The Donut

We're about halfway through every Canadian's favourite time of the year: Tim Hortons' Roll Up the Rim to Win. 

"What are you at?"
"0-7," she says. "I never win anything."
"Oh man, I'm only at 0-4. I used to win a lot more than this!" 

Well folks, I'm at 1-4 now, since "WIN/GAGNEZ UN BEIGNE/DONUT" is looking at me as I type  this. 

You know, it's funny, I find when we talk about winning in Roll Up the Rim, (because seriously, who wins the $100 gift cards or the car?), we never really mention winning a donut. It got me thinking that I'm actually happier that I won a free donut instead of a free coffee. Although winning a free coffee means another shot at rolling up the rim, the donut is a nice treat. How often do you get a free donut? Not very often. 

So, what's wrong with a different kind of treat? Why would I feel a little disappointed initially that I didn't win a free coffee? Who am I to complain? I still won. 

I think the difference lies in our expectations. We expect to win the coffee and we think there's an extra benefit with another chance to win again. Plus, a coffee lasts longer than a donut (which will disappear in about 35 seconds, but coffee you can drag out a little longer).

So why do I feel more satisfied, after thinking about my empty winning coffee cup, with the donut? 

Maybe it's more satisfying to win the donut. Maybe it's more satisfying to encounter something we don't expect. Maybe, when we drop those expectations and are surprised by the donut, or a situation we don't anticipate, we become more open to enjoying the donut or situation. Maybe when we drop our expectations, we stop overthinking and planning and anticipating the impending second shot at winning. It's more about living in the moment. Eat the donut. Enjoy the donut, without downing the free coffee in a hurry to roll up the rim again. Letting go of the desire to plan and anticipate and of our expectations, whether these expectations are of a coffee cup, a situation, or a person, also allows you to let go of the little stresses that seem to plague our everyday lives. 

It's not really about getting another chance to win. It's about appreciating the win you have, and enjoying the donut. It's about not overthinking which cup you may get next. 

Maybe, just maybe, the donut is more satisfying than the coffee. (Who are we kidding, the donut is always more satisfying.) 

Felicia 

Leibster Award Nomination Post

I don't own this photo and I just grabbed it off a blog. Credits to whoever designed/posted it. 

Although this is way past due, fulfilling a nomination is better than letting it disappear into the abyss, right? 

Thanks to Adele over at all-things-adele.blogspot.co.uk for the nomination! 

Since I used to loved doing these Q & A things on Facebook and Piczo and such back in the day, I'm actually quite excited for the excuse to dig into a some nostalgic fun. 

1.) Why did you start blogging?

I started blogging because I constantly make metaphors while trying to make sense of and overanalyzing every little thing that occurs in my life. I started blogging to voice these speeches I would give to myself, and to practice my typing skills (just kidding). 

2.) What is your favourite thing about blogging?

Endless ears. Whether no one reads your blog post, or many people read your blog post, it's as though cyber space has ears and just listens to everything you think is important enough to "publish." Plus, how satisfying is that word? Like, hey guys, I just published another blog post. I'm accomplished. Is that an ego boost, or what? 

3.) Sweet food or savoury food?
Sweet. Unless it's bacon. Then I pick bacon. Or candied bacon. Wait, is that sweet or savoury? 

4.) Favourite film?

How do I feel today? Sad? Do I want to go through 2 boxes of tissues? Okay, The Time Travelor's Wife. Am I happy? She's the Man. The Proposal. The Little Mermaid. Guilty pleasure even though I won't sleep for days? The Blacklist. Nope, shoot, that's not a film, that's a series...... 

5.) What do you like to do in your spare time? (besides blogging, haha)

I don't actually blog in my spare time. I blog when I'm procrastinating and when the mood strikes me. What is spare time, anyways? #lifeofastudent

6.) If you could travel to anywhere in the world, where would it be?

My bedroom, because they don't offer direct flights to anywhere else that has my closet, my favourite books and my bed. 

7.) Do you prefer tea or coffee?

... See "About Us" page. 

8.) What is your favourite colour?
Chartreuse. Yep, I'm one of those people. Maybe neon coral? Neon salmon? 

9.) Favourite type of restaurant? (e.g. Italian, Chinese, etc)

I will never say no to a good steak. 

10.) Are you a cosy night in or party all night kind of person?

Around 8-10 pm I'm a cosy (movies and popcorn) night person, but if I make it to 2 am I'll make it all night (early hours pizza is the best pizza). 

Over and out. 

--
Felicia 

The Bitter Tea Memory

You'll never forget that one time you drank bitter tea with a meal, then spent the entire night on the bathroom floor. And ever since then, you could never drink that one bitter flavour tea ever again, because it made you puke your guts.. bad memories.. (Well, the food probably did, but memory by association right?)

One of the things that conjures bad memories for me like the bad tea, and brings back that anxiety is passing a few girls from high school who instigated and were involved in the outrageous cyber and in-person bullying I experienced. Now before you close this post and assume its 'just another awareness-thing-and-personal-story-on-bullying' please know my focus, rather than raising awareness, although important, is to try and connect with you, my readers. (This is a heavy topic that is close to my heart and a very personal experience, which previously, I have only shared with my closest friends. Please respect my story, and my sharing of it, with only good intentions.) 

Unlike my previous posts, I offer no advice in this, except the following which I feel, though obvious, is necessary to say and is easier said than done: I regret that I didn't ask for help from a parent, teacher or someone with authority at the time, but my hope is that you do seek help, even if you think you can handle it yourself. We all have our time to be independent in due course, but this isn't a Superwoman-only problem. 

Back to bad memories. 

So I was 16 years old, "seeing" a guy before dating him, and the milestone was hit: someone returned my LIKE LIKE feelings after all those lonely years. Big deal for a teenage girl, #amiright? 

First, I was attacked online through Facebook messages, by his ex-girlfriend, his ex-rebound-hook-ups, and their friends. Wholly immature (C'mon, girls, grow up!), inappropriate, jealousy-driven, and unnecessary, but by this day and age, the cyber (online) bullying I faced was not as surprising as it should be for something so widely talked about and unaccepted. 

Second, it moved to in-person + online bullying. Blocking them on Facebook could stop the messages, but not their physical presence. Waiting around my locker or classrooms to talk about me and my new boyfriend, purposely trying to get on my nerves. Finding other ways to send messages fabricating stories about issues with him, which of course, scared the wits out of me. And I mean more scared than I am of scary movies. I was terrified of running into them every day. 

For a girl who could speak her mind since fourth grade without a care in the world, I had suddenly lost the words to stand up for myself. 

After two years of enduring this bullying throughout high school, university felt like the biggest relief to be freed of the torment. Bigger and better things, right?! I didn't realize it would follow me, despite the fact these girls were still in high school. Running into them at McDonald's, in the mall, I'd always think, "Yep, just my luck I'm running into them, even now." *sigh* 

Beyond the fact that these girls were originally associated with this boyfriend, even after he and I were no longer together, passing them in the mall or at the grocery store by chance still inflicts the anxiety and fear from over 5 years ago. 

To this day. 

What makes me sad is that even now, talking about it, writing about it, just like bringing up the bad, bitter tea memory, I realize it is an important part of my teenage years that I have not yet overcome. It still bothers me. I can't seem to let go of it yet. My stomach still drops, my heart beat is still too fast, and my chest is too constricted in fear for me to know if I have forgiven them yet. 

Maybe talking about it will help me work through these bad memories, and find it in me to forgive and look past the bullying I endured. Maybe it won't happen for a while. Maybe, sharing my story will help me see that I was the 'bigger person' by not reciprocating. But am I? 

I do know this: The "Mean Girls" world is very, very real. And that's not a good thing. And having the perspective to see the terrifying truth of this in my twenties now, I think it scares me most thinking about how long and how far girls will go to break the heart and soul of those whom they are jealous.

If you haven't experienced this it may sound like I'm making a mountain or of a molehill, something common that every teenage girl goes through. But if you have experienced something similar, you'll know it's a molehill that IS an unavoidable mountain, that constantly impedes on your life, and it shouldn't be common, accepted, or overlooked. 

Metaphor: Bad tea by association leaves you with a bitter taste in your mouth, but one day you will be able to break the association and leave those memories in the past. And enjoy your tea. I believe that one day I will reach the point that I can pass those girls, and though I won't forget, I will not have the same reactions (the tea's bitter taste) as I once did. 

I haven't figured out how, but in the meantime, I'll add a little sugar to my tea and focus on the things that I love and make me feel loved, not worrying about the bitter bullies of the past. 

Felicia 

xx

Two Minute Tuesday

Tuesday: Pecan coffee. Sometimes the exotic and refreshing can be found in a $0.69 K-cup. Yes, that number was coincidental and doesn't include tax. Also, K-cups are for KEURIG machines, not clothing. Try looking in your local grocery store, not Victoria's Secret. 

Tea Time Well Spent

You know how some days you walk in your front door after a long day, and just look forward to sitting on the couch, maybe open up Netflix (I'm just guessing that's what people do, I don't even have a Netflix account), and eat nachos and salsa? Then you're like, wait it's Saturday, I'm supposed to be with people and not in my house, being lonely right now? Isn't that a waste of time? Here are my thoughts.

Sometimes, we just need to be alone.

Spending time with "me, myself and I" (no, not me, you! Just... Okay, just say it out loud and you'll get it) is, sometimes, all the cups of tea we need.

Think of it like this. We spend our whole day around other people (maybe you don't, but just play along). Quite a bit of our time is spent in the eyes of other people. I mean, when we get dressed in the morning, it's great to champion the whole "personal-style-rocks-so-I-don't-care-what-people-think" mentality, but most times, professional and presentable is what stops us from wearing pink leggings and a green shirt. Watermelon, anyone?
But in all seriousness, we do spend a lot of time considering how others view us. So don't you think for one night at least, we deserve to just pull on pajamas that don't match, and watch old seasons of Big Brother? (a shameless addiction of mine, I'll admit).

Cliché? Yes, perhaps. But hey, if that's good enough for you, go, by all means and grab those pjs. (But please, shower or something first and wash off that dirt from the day!)

If not, here's my second way to think of it:
How many of you are particular about the cup you use for tea or coffee? Me too. There's only a certain few I'll drink coffee from, and likewise with tea. And BOY, DOES IT MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO HAVE YOUR FAVE MUG OR CUP. (That's also called attitude, but I didn't take more than Psychology 1000 so I'm just going to suggest that it exists in my head and not claim fact). Unfortunately, these tea cups are usually pretty small, and today I just *had* to have my tea from the small cup. You'll also remember my very first post about hot tea vs. cold tea. Now, I think I've solved the problem myself. After rummaging through the kitchen cabinets and luckily not breaking anything, I found a personal sized teapot and cup (but I just used the tea pot part) and steeped about two and a half cups worth of tea in this little teapot.

It was the perfect size. 

Not only did my tea stay warm and consistent in steeping taste (is that a thing?), but I was able to indulge in another cup and a half, effectively satisfying all tea cravings for the night, over a few hours. WITHOUT HAVING TO REBOIL WATER. #firstworldproblems, right?
At this point, you're probably thinking, oh my goodness, where is this Felicia's rant going about tea all over again?

So I'll summarize today's metaphor.
Personal tea pot. Solves problems of cold tea, and too hot tea, and lonely tea cup (you). Because instead of boiling water for another tea cup, and waiting for more tea, you just pour it out from the personal teapot.
Self-sufficiency is what I call it. Just don't Oxford Dictionary that.
And while this metaphor is 100% flawed and has many loopholes that I have not yet taken the time to work out, I'm at the point where I don't give a sugar cube. Not because I don't add sugar to my tea and have never actually seen a sugar cube, but because it makes sense in my head and that's all that matters. 
Got the point, yet?

Third and final thought, just incase you're still reading and didn't give up after the first thought:

You are complete, in yourself, and being alone when you think you should be somewhere else does not matter. Sometimes we just need one cup of tea, just a little time to ourselves, before we're ready to just back into the world. Other times, we need a few cups of tea, without worrying about too cold, too hot, and oh-I-have-to-boil-more-now (or what other people think of our watermelon outfits). We all need to take time for ourselves, and if that means finding time for personal teapot time, then that time is time well spent.

Felicia
xx

P.S. I've seen these cute little personal teapots everywhere in grocery stores, so grab one next time there's a sale if you have room in your kitchen, and aren't a hoarder like me. The coolest ones have a tea cup on the bottom, and the teapot sits right on top of the cup.

New Logo!

Hello there!

I was doodling in my sketchbook today and came up with a new logo for the blog! However, I can't seem to figure out how to get it on the blog header without being too big. Until I can figure that out, here it is:

Felicia 

xo.