If you're near me during school, you'll hear me repeatedly say, "I hate writing, I hate reading." I mean, how many of us claim to hate the things we're studying? We do them 24/7 and we study them because we enjoy it, but somehow we're still emulating hate all the time for it. Or I am at least. So, here's my confession.
I don't hate writing. I love writing. I love making a mark on the page. I used to love copying lines because I could practice perfecting my handwriting. I love words. I love these black lines appearing as I type. It's so cool. That is such an understatement... But isn't it?
Words give you this freedom. You're confined to using 26 letters of the alphabet, yet sometimes we still don't have the words to express a feeling. Other times, we have so many words we can't get them out fast enough.
I love reading. I thought I hate it because of school, but I don't. I mean, why else did I have the urge to read the other day? I didn't even want to watch Friends, I just wanted to sit in bed and read. HOW RARE IS THAT FEELING NOWADAYS? Too bad I had studying to do though, right? But maybe I was scared. Scared that reading wouldn't pull me in the way it used to.
Let's look at it. Are we scared of the things we love most? What if one day we just, stop loving those things and they don't interest us anymore? Am I the only one who's scared of this? What if you open a book, and it doesn't hold your attention? This book was a sanctuary to you, it was a whole other world to escape to, and it took your mind off of anything and everything. Through this book you were a hero, you were a villain, you were the princess you were the riddle-solver. You were unrelenting and flawed.
But you were someone.
I started this post about words and blogging and writing and reading. But really, it's about change and how change makes us lose the things we love, the things we feel comfortable with. It makes me feel lost, I think. Someone asked me what I'm interested in besides what I study and soccer, since that's what I play, and for a while I couldn't come up with an answer. Do I now know myself anymore? I can't process how I feel about it right now, the turmoil and anxiety this is giving me, so I'll jut leave it there for today.
Google says that chamomile tea is calming but my stomach says that chamomile and I just aren't friends. So maybe this kind of answer, about change and all those things that make us anxious, maybe this answer we can't Google, or Wikipedia, or Ask.com. Maybe this one, we have to go with our gut feelings. Literally.
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Felicia
P.S. When I googled chamomile tea, 4/5 websites that I clicked suggested it was good for calming stomachaches, and 1/5 websites said people allergic to ragweed or something else can sometimes get a stomachache or rash from it since apparently they are distantly related. Just a fun fact.
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