Earl Me Grey

Do you ever feel as though you're the only one on your wavelength? Think, radio frequency.
Maybe you say something and no one catches on, so you just keep it to yourself, in your head, the next time you think you want to say something out loud.

Do you ever feel as though you're drinking Earl Grey from a tea bag, while everyone else is caught up with the latest loose leaf tea blend named after a cosy Christmas feeling?

Sometimes, I don't even feel as though I'm from this time. I was born in the wrong century. Yet here I am, using a computer and completely dependant on my phone. So, what's the deal, world?

No matter how hard I try to catch on to current things going on around me, it always feels like I'm a little out of step. At this point, it's very hard to think something is NOT wrong with you. I mean, sure in Grade 4 you coloured a shield representing all the things you liked to do with stick figures (who are we kidding, I drew full portraits) of the people with whom you are closest, and the big letters on the bulletin board said, "I AM UNIQUE." But aside from that, doesn't it seem like there is some common binding force that bonds people, and most times, you're just not feeling the bonding force field?

Sometimes, the definition of being "unique" feels more like an imprisonment to a lonely world, rather than a celebration of differences. Sometimes, it can be hard to remember the elementary school lessons on why we should see the things that make us different as good things, not bad things. Even in my twenties, I forget these lessons some days.

But, I like Earl Grey. It's not that I don't like change, it's that I don't feel I need to keep up with the times, to feel good about myself. I operate on a different frequency, and that's okay. It doesn't make me less, or weird, or even how we often use the word, "different." It just makes me, me.

Maybe I was born in the wrong century, or maybe I'm just me.

Maybe I'm on another wavelength, or maybe I'm just me.

Maybe no one understood what I said, but that's just me.

Maybe I didn't feel the binding forcefield of being unique, or maybe... I'm just me.

Maybe I like Earl Grey, and maybe, that's just me.

Earl me grey.


Felicia 
xo

The Donut

We're about halfway through every Canadian's favourite time of the year: Tim Hortons' Roll Up the Rim to Win. 

"What are you at?"
"0-7," she says. "I never win anything."
"Oh man, I'm only at 0-4. I used to win a lot more than this!" 

Well folks, I'm at 1-4 now, since "WIN/GAGNEZ UN BEIGNE/DONUT" is looking at me as I type  this. 

You know, it's funny, I find when we talk about winning in Roll Up the Rim, (because seriously, who wins the $100 gift cards or the car?), we never really mention winning a donut. It got me thinking that I'm actually happier that I won a free donut instead of a free coffee. Although winning a free coffee means another shot at rolling up the rim, the donut is a nice treat. How often do you get a free donut? Not very often. 

So, what's wrong with a different kind of treat? Why would I feel a little disappointed initially that I didn't win a free coffee? Who am I to complain? I still won. 

I think the difference lies in our expectations. We expect to win the coffee and we think there's an extra benefit with another chance to win again. Plus, a coffee lasts longer than a donut (which will disappear in about 35 seconds, but coffee you can drag out a little longer).

So why do I feel more satisfied, after thinking about my empty winning coffee cup, with the donut? 

Maybe it's more satisfying to win the donut. Maybe it's more satisfying to encounter something we don't expect. Maybe, when we drop those expectations and are surprised by the donut, or a situation we don't anticipate, we become more open to enjoying the donut or situation. Maybe when we drop our expectations, we stop overthinking and planning and anticipating the impending second shot at winning. It's more about living in the moment. Eat the donut. Enjoy the donut, without downing the free coffee in a hurry to roll up the rim again. Letting go of the desire to plan and anticipate and of our expectations, whether these expectations are of a coffee cup, a situation, or a person, also allows you to let go of the little stresses that seem to plague our everyday lives. 

It's not really about getting another chance to win. It's about appreciating the win you have, and enjoying the donut. It's about not overthinking which cup you may get next. 

Maybe, just maybe, the donut is more satisfying than the coffee. (Who are we kidding, the donut is always more satisfying.) 

Felicia 

A Somewhat-Non-Revival?

Reviving the writer in you is sometimes hard to do. I took a break because of school, and I just couldn't afford to lose concentration, but there comes a point when I'm always called back to something I enjoy. 

If you're near me during school, you'll hear me repeatedly say, "I hate writing, I hate reading." I mean, how many of us claim to hate the things we're studying? We do them 24/7 and we study them because we enjoy it, but somehow we're still emulating hate all the time for it. Or I am at least. So, here's my confession. 

I don't hate writing. I love writing. I love making a mark on the page. I used to love copying lines because I could practice perfecting my handwriting. I love words. I love these black lines appearing as I type. It's so cool. That is such an understatement... But isn't it? 

Words give you this freedom. You're confined to using 26 letters of the alphabet, yet sometimes we still don't have the words to express a feeling. Other times, we have so many words we can't get them out fast enough. 

I love reading. I thought I hate it because of school, but I don't. I mean, why else did I have the urge to read the other day? I didn't even want to watch Friends, I just wanted to sit in bed and read. HOW RARE IS THAT FEELING NOWADAYS? Too bad I had studying to do though, right? But maybe I was scared. Scared that reading wouldn't pull me in the way it used to. 

Let's look at it. Are we scared of the things we love most? What if one day we just, stop loving those things and they don't interest us anymore? Am I the only one who's scared of this? What if you open a book, and it doesn't hold your attention? This book was a sanctuary to you, it was a whole other world to escape to, and it took your mind off of anything and everything. Through this book you were a hero, you were a villain, you were the princess you were the riddle-solver. You were unrelenting and flawed. 
But you were someone. 

I started this post about words and blogging and writing and reading. But really, it's about change and how change makes us lose the things we love, the things we feel comfortable with. It makes me feel lost, I think. Someone asked me what I'm interested in besides what I study and soccer, since that's what I play, and for a while I couldn't come up with an answer. Do I now know myself anymore? I can't process how I feel about it right now, the turmoil and anxiety this is giving me, so I'll jut leave it there for today. 

Google says that chamomile tea is calming but my stomach says that chamomile and I just aren't friends. So maybe this kind of answer, about change and all those things that make us anxious, maybe this answer we can't Google, or Wikipedia, or Ask.com. Maybe this one, we have to go with our gut feelings. Literally. 

--
Felicia

P.S. When I googled chamomile tea, 4/5 websites that I clicked suggested it was good for calming stomachaches, and 1/5 websites said people allergic to ragweed or something else can sometimes get a stomachache or rash from it since apparently they are distantly related. Just a fun fact. 

Two Minute Tuesday

Before adding anything out of habit, try your coffee natural. #RespectTheBean, as Nabob Coffee says. 

Metaphor: Sometimes we get carried away by how great things sound, we forget what the core values (of our coffee, of our own personal values) are. So before you go adding the milk and sugar and whipped cream, try your coffee black, and appreciate it as coffee, not as a dressed-up drink! 

Thanks Nabob Coffee for inspiring today's blog post idea. 

For more information on Nabob Coffee, visit the link below: 

http://www.nabob.ca/en

Two-Minute Tuesday!

Grab two minutes to indulge in a drink  (like candy cane hot chocolate and whipped cream) from your most reliable coffee shop (good ole' Timmies for me). 

Reliable coffee shops always provide us with the things we need when we need it. Like coffee before an essay is due. They're there for us when other things, ahem, no-money-on-my-sbucks-card, aren't. 

Good friends are like reliable coffee shops. They are the listening ear and lending hand when things get tough. They also offer advice for a lower cost (than say, your extra espresso shot venti latte with three syrup flavours). 

So when you take two minutes today to think about what's a reliable coffee shop for you, consider how you can be a reliable coffee shop to others. 

Felicia 

"Can I get a coffee-half-hot-chocolate please?"

All of these blog posts have been about tea, and since today is a Monday, it's a coffee day, which constitutes a coffee metaphor. Whether you're living the student life, the working life, or the <insert creative stereotype/> life, Mondays are Mondays and nobody likes Mondays (WARNING: MAJOR ASSUMPTIONS BEING MADE).

Back story: During my very short time as a Tim Horton's employee, I noticed some customers spruced up their coffee orders, asking for a "<insert coffee cup size/> coffee-half-hot-chocolate." Almost all of the time, they omitted adding milk and sugar to their drink. Once I tried this combination, I found my new favourite drink. The machines even have a button for half or a quarter of hot chocolate, french vanilla, or English toffee. It's a thing, people.

Front story (Is that a thing?): Today, I was moping about an ex-boyfriend who seems to be getting over me a lot faster than I'm getting over him. Who's with me in this situation? 

[Cue: melodramatic stereotypical situation. Rainy, cold, windy, lonely day. Piles of school work.]

Here I was, Facebook and Instagram-creeping pictures that showed up on my newsfeed via mutual friends, checking out said ex's pretty new friends, chomping on my bag of "double hit" caramel and butter popcorn. With a big English project to write, I figured coffee was an appropriate post-lunch drink. *crunchcrunch* Instead of adding fancy Classic Syrup from Starbucks, hot chocolate was calling my name.

[Cue: coffee + hot chocolate = a less-mopey attitude]

What's the big deal?

Coffee is synonymous with early mornings, late nights, and breakfast most days. Coffee is waking up and starting a new day. Coffee is your weapon against Mondays.

Hot chocolate is a comfort drink (for me at least, and if you don't like hot chocolate, why are you still reading this?!). Hot chocolate is warm goodness on cold spring days back when you played your heart out on the soccer field, in the pouring rain. Hot chocolate, if you make it from the powder mix and not fondue-style (Italy, anyone? I've tried it there!), leaves a gooey, not-so-melted powder mix at the bottom of your mug once you're done drinking.

Today, with the moping Monday-hating attitude I was in, looked at this leftover chocolate stuff and decided there were 3 options:

1. Soak the mug then wash it. (Add baking soda if there are stains from leaving it unwashed)
2. Get a spoon and eat it. 
3. Add milk and make impromptu chocolate milk. 

The first option was just ignoring this goodness and wasting it. The second was a good idea, but involves scraping against the mug and that's weird unless you're eating cake (No offence, hot-chocolate scrapers), and also feels a little desperate. The third option was making the most out of it and turning the drink into something new. 

[Cue: High School Musical 3's "Something New" song]

Metaphor: Mix the things we rely on to keep us going with the comfort things and turn it around! As much we like to dwell on the old, and creep our exes and mope and hold pity parties for ourselves, sometimes the ways we comfort ourselves on crappy days (hot chocolate in coffee on Mondays), present us with new opportunities. Instead of closing our eyes to these options, turn it into a new drink, a new opportunity. 

Like chocolate milk in the middle of the day. 

And enjoy the caramel and butter popcorn. *chompchomp* I highly recommend it.

And my apologies, lactose-intolerant folks, is there a soy milk substitute? Almond milk?

... HAPPY MONDAY PEOPLE (sad attempt at cheerfulness?)

Felicia 
xx

Tea Time Well Spent

You know how some days you walk in your front door after a long day, and just look forward to sitting on the couch, maybe open up Netflix (I'm just guessing that's what people do, I don't even have a Netflix account), and eat nachos and salsa? Then you're like, wait it's Saturday, I'm supposed to be with people and not in my house, being lonely right now? Isn't that a waste of time? Here are my thoughts.

Sometimes, we just need to be alone.

Spending time with "me, myself and I" (no, not me, you! Just... Okay, just say it out loud and you'll get it) is, sometimes, all the cups of tea we need.

Think of it like this. We spend our whole day around other people (maybe you don't, but just play along). Quite a bit of our time is spent in the eyes of other people. I mean, when we get dressed in the morning, it's great to champion the whole "personal-style-rocks-so-I-don't-care-what-people-think" mentality, but most times, professional and presentable is what stops us from wearing pink leggings and a green shirt. Watermelon, anyone?
But in all seriousness, we do spend a lot of time considering how others view us. So don't you think for one night at least, we deserve to just pull on pajamas that don't match, and watch old seasons of Big Brother? (a shameless addiction of mine, I'll admit).

Cliché? Yes, perhaps. But hey, if that's good enough for you, go, by all means and grab those pjs. (But please, shower or something first and wash off that dirt from the day!)

If not, here's my second way to think of it:
How many of you are particular about the cup you use for tea or coffee? Me too. There's only a certain few I'll drink coffee from, and likewise with tea. And BOY, DOES IT MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO HAVE YOUR FAVE MUG OR CUP. (That's also called attitude, but I didn't take more than Psychology 1000 so I'm just going to suggest that it exists in my head and not claim fact). Unfortunately, these tea cups are usually pretty small, and today I just *had* to have my tea from the small cup. You'll also remember my very first post about hot tea vs. cold tea. Now, I think I've solved the problem myself. After rummaging through the kitchen cabinets and luckily not breaking anything, I found a personal sized teapot and cup (but I just used the tea pot part) and steeped about two and a half cups worth of tea in this little teapot.

It was the perfect size. 

Not only did my tea stay warm and consistent in steeping taste (is that a thing?), but I was able to indulge in another cup and a half, effectively satisfying all tea cravings for the night, over a few hours. WITHOUT HAVING TO REBOIL WATER. #firstworldproblems, right?
At this point, you're probably thinking, oh my goodness, where is this Felicia's rant going about tea all over again?

So I'll summarize today's metaphor.
Personal tea pot. Solves problems of cold tea, and too hot tea, and lonely tea cup (you). Because instead of boiling water for another tea cup, and waiting for more tea, you just pour it out from the personal teapot.
Self-sufficiency is what I call it. Just don't Oxford Dictionary that.
And while this metaphor is 100% flawed and has many loopholes that I have not yet taken the time to work out, I'm at the point where I don't give a sugar cube. Not because I don't add sugar to my tea and have never actually seen a sugar cube, but because it makes sense in my head and that's all that matters. 
Got the point, yet?

Third and final thought, just incase you're still reading and didn't give up after the first thought:

You are complete, in yourself, and being alone when you think you should be somewhere else does not matter. Sometimes we just need one cup of tea, just a little time to ourselves, before we're ready to just back into the world. Other times, we need a few cups of tea, without worrying about too cold, too hot, and oh-I-have-to-boil-more-now (or what other people think of our watermelon outfits). We all need to take time for ourselves, and if that means finding time for personal teapot time, then that time is time well spent.

Felicia
xx

P.S. I've seen these cute little personal teapots everywhere in grocery stores, so grab one next time there's a sale if you have room in your kitchen, and aren't a hoarder like me. The coolest ones have a tea cup on the bottom, and the teapot sits right on top of the cup.

The Burnt-Tongue Syndrome

How many times do we burn our tongue from being too eager to take that first sip of tea?

Today, I'm thinking it's been one time too many. I mean, it's not like we don't know the water was boiling 3 minutes ago, and from elementary school science we all remember boiling water is 100 degrees Celsius. So why do we still think we can avoid the burn?

In love, there is always the special one that you go back to. He's "the one," you're convinced. But when you remember all the times you got burned by the scalding hot temperatures of your passion and love for each other, you'll remember why you told yourself again and again: stop going back to him when it ends with your pain.

This is like burning your tongue., or as I'd like to call it, the Burnt-Tongue Syndrome.

You love the tea, but you always jump right into it and get lost in the overwhelming smell of - mmmmm tea leaves - and take the first sip too early, then, YOU GET BURNED. You curse! Promise yourself you'll never do it again and you'll be patient, but what happened tomorrow? Same thing.

And what's the worst part? The burn has its after effects.
Your tongue feels numb, you can't taste anything. Doesn't that sound like your mind's response to getting hurt by that special guy? You lay in bed - okay, I may be writing this while in bed - and you don't want to talk to anyone or feel anything - okay, I may not be Social Sally but it's a Sunday morning right now! - so basically, you're feeling the after effects of the disastrous hangout with the special guy you always go back to.And what was my excuse this time?

It's the same old justification: I thought this time was different. Well you know what, ladies? It's not. It never is. Because guys are like boiling water for your tea. They boil at the same temperature every time. It won't change. You will still have to wait until the tea cools before you take a sip, no matter how many times you've had it or how much you love this particular tea (or guy). And you will always, always, always get burned if you jump right back into it. And suffer the after effects. And hold an ice cube to your tongue hoping it won't get stuck there.

So what's my conclusion? Jumping into the boiling hot water of love and never learning your lesson will give you the same result every time. Because boiling water will never change it's temperature, then boys will be boys, so it's up to you to decide how many times you get burned before you blow on the tea to cool it down with patience… Or throw it out the window and crack open the iced tea.

Felicia 

xx

Colour the rainy, cold days.

On a cold day like today, where I am, it's time to bundle up and grab those scarves, hats and mitts. It's hard to stay positive sometimes when it's cold and rainy, and use the age-old excuse: blame it on the w-w-w-w-weather. 

And thus was born my brilliant advice. When you wake up and look outside your window, and just KNOW it's going to be "one of those days," pick a colour. Then, open up your closet and find something with that colour. Then long and hard, in deep, deep thought... (Okay, who really has time for deep thoughts in the morning? Let's be serious, it'll be about 3 seconds of deep thought.) ...And tell yourself, "I will smile to myself, even if I'm alone and look totally creepy and weird, every time I see this colour today." Too easy? Alternate mantra: "I will smile to myself, and tell myself one happy thing, even if I'm alone and look totally creepy and weird, every time I see this colour today." I KNOW it sounds so cheesy and lame, but I tried it and it worked. I promise. 

I chose pink. My scarf was pink, and since it was cold, I knew it would be hanging 'round my neck all day long. Every time I looked down to write my notes in class BAM! There is was. Now, I started drawing smiley faces on my notes instead, because apparently my hand-eye-face-coordination is a little off, but you won't have that problem. I hope. 

C'mon ladies, every time you walk past a window, check yourself out and look at that colour and grin like the freaking Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland (Disney version, not the new creepy version). Every snapchat, every selfie (yes, I know how many you take), every look in the mirror because women's bladders are entirely too small to let us hold anything larger than a medium Timmies.. Every single time, I want you to see that colour and smile. 

And that, is my positive, quick, hamburger helper solution to rainy, cold days and moods that feel like rainy, cold days. And a hot cup of tea, of course. 

Felicia 
xx

Love like a hot cup of tea.

As I was drinking my hot cup of blueberry green tea while getting through some reading for school, I thought about how nice it was to have a hot cup of tea. See, usually, I make my tea then forget about it and by the time I remember to drink it, the tea's gone cold. I enjoyed it, then as I got into my book, forgot about it. 
Now you all know what's coming next. My tea got cold. It had this metallic, bitter taste, not the sweet, blueberry green tea taste I had enjoyed an hour ago. It was the kind of taste that made me purse my lips like I had just downed tequila and put the lemon in the shot glass. Yeah, that kind of taste. And since I've been a little nostalgic *cough*lookingupoldpicturesofmeandmyex*cough* lately, cold tea made me think of relationships.
See, when the hot water is first poured into the mug and hits the tea bag and a lovely, clear brown or greenish water appears, it's like the first few weeks of love. It's changing and it's refreshing. Like that first sip of hot tea, you sigh, you smile, and your chest is filled with warmth. 
You're happy. 
You take a few sips and enjoy the hot tea - it's the honeymoon stage of your new relationship. Ouch! Too hot, you burned your tongue. But that's okay, you can still taste the tea, so you take a break, then continue sipping away, more carefully. This is clearly the part when something in the relationship goes wrong - a first fight, a break of trust.. After a while you've got two choices: continue sipping the tea as it slowly gets colder, or down it while its hot like you're a parched camel in the desert. 
Now what? Now you have cold tea or a burned throat. In my case, I have cold tea. And another decision looms: throw it out, or gulp down the bitter, cold tea. As for the relationship? Endure the cold, dying love that was once a warm relationship or bite the bullet and end things. 
Let me tell you one thing. If you try to endure the bitter tea, you won't enjoy it but you'll think, "Hey this is better than wasting it!" But then you won't like the tea and you will become resentful. Same as the relationship you're in. End it when the love ends, and you'll save both of you from resentful, spiteful messy aftermath of attempting to move on while really still holding onto that person. 
So after that long, confusing metaphor, you're like, what the heck does love have to do with tea? Love like a cup of hot tea, my friends. Enjoy it while its hot and know there's a time to throw it out when it starts to get cold. Then turn on the kettle, boil more water, and pour yourself another hot cup of tea. 
Or press a button on one of those snazzy Keurig machines. That works too.

Felicia
xx